"Inner Pursuit of Happiness: a survival guide to the other side of darkness!"

INTRODUCTION

"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore,

before you decide to be happy." ~  Nightbirde 

[Jane Kristen Marczewski]

1990 – 2022

Feeling overwhelmed? Feel as though you are on ‘autopilot’ just trying to survive another day? Has your life become dependent on bad behaviors, binge eating, drugs or alcohol just to feel normal or find relief? Have you lost control over the direction of your life? Whatever your need may be, I am here to offer support in the form of guidance. I know a way through this darkness and back out to a world that makes since.

Addiction comes in many forms, often not even recognized for what it is... a human response in an attempt to escape suffering. Not an inherited disease of the brain, or a moral failure, or weakness of character. As trauma expert and physician, Dr. Gabor Maté explains it, “Addition is any behavior that gives temporary relief and pleasure, but has negative consequences, and yet the person cannot stop.” It’s very possible you don’t even see there is a problem, just know that you are struggling with pain; yet if these three elements exist then it qualifies as an addiction:  

Any Behavior That...

·       Gives temporary relief/pleasure,

·       Has negative consequences,

·       And you cannot stop doing it.

To live is to suffer; to find meaning in that suffering is survival. Let’s do more than just find meaning, let’s find a purpose to life and rise above the suffering. Personal recovery is a process of growth and self-discovery, listening to our ‘shadow self’ while learning the source of our pain.  I promote in this book behavioral transformation by redirecting the damage of pain to a force of positive growth, adopting new attitudes and reactions to life. I have the tools and professional experience to guide you into this light, helping you see beauty again.

My education in psychology and counseling during my early years, actually focused on neurology, or neuropsychology, learning a plethora of standardized tests to be given as diagnostic tools in pinpointing mental illness. These diagnostic tests would also assist in determining the level of damage from birth defects, physical injury, or vascular accidents (i.e., strokes).  But events in my life prevented employment in this chosen field, and even forcing me to divert from psychology all together in order to survive financial problems and work several unrelated jobs: healthcare worker, installing satellite systems for homes, and eventually becoming HVAC certified (heating and air-conditioning).

In 2011, I applied for a position with the State of Arkansas to provide treatment services in their Department of Community Corrections.  After multiple interviews and months of waiting, in March 2012, I became a Drug Court Advisor for the 14th Judicial District. By 2013, I was promoted to Substance Abuse Program Leader for Area-2, then obtaining my State Credentials as a Certified Co-occurring Disorders Professional – Diplomate along with IC&RC Certificate (International Credentialing) for providing mental health treatment as it relates to substance abuse (Addiction).

In my 10-years providing services for Arkansas Community Corrections, it became apparent that the evidence-based practices were not addressing the root cause promoting the addictions we were seeing. Something deeper was going on, the recidivism rate was stable but not dropping, and individuals were able to achieve sobriety but not recovery. They weren’t having life changing events; instead, just trying to ‘fake it till you make it’ and get off probation/parole.

I took it upon myself to discover the unseen problem preventing progress. Using my education in Neuro-Psych, I started testing subjects (primarily using the MCMI-III because I could hand score the results) in an attempt to uncover a pattern within clients’ personalities. After several years collecting data, I found clear indications of childhood trauma, neglect, and abuse. Approximately 98% of those tested were positive traits for personality disorders, and of those, easily half were diagnosable disorder conditions. I knew then, if addictions were to be eradicated from an individual’s life, especially with this population, then the painful memory and effects of childhood trauma must end.

I could now understand the benefit some were achieving by embracing the lifestyle promoted in the 12-step programs; whether Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or Celebrate Recovery (CR), life changing events were happening even though relapse occurred and was even anticipated. Without knowing it, the progression through the 12-steps were assisting people to heal some of their childhood traumas. What was needed now, is a strategy for individuals to heal their own wounds, adjacent but separate to the 12-steps found in these programs; and especially during times when no professional help is available, as often seen during long periods of incarceration.

Dr. Carl Jung, a famous Swiss psychiatrist, former protégé of Sigmund Freud, and Father of Analytical Psychology,  took a keen interest in alcoholism during the 1920’s. In the early 1930’s, 13% of Dr. Jung’s admissions into the hospital were to treat alcoholism. A conversation with one of those patients during discharge after receiving a year of treatment and unsuccessfully curing the disorder, actually played a key role in the development of AA.

The patient was Rowland H. — or Rowland Hazard, “investment banker and former state senator from Rhode Island” who came to Jung in desperation. Dr. Jung bluntly told him his recovery from alcoholism was not possible, that modern psychology has done all that it can do to help him. 

Rowland then asked,  “Is there no exceptions?” “Yes,” replied Dr. Jung, “there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences.” He went on to describe a spiritual experience as “To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.” (pages 26/27 in the “Big Book” Alcoholics Anonymous)

Dr. Jung replied that there were exceptions, and that alcoholics have had what are called "vital spiritual experiences." He described these experiences as "phenomena" that involve huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Dr. Jung noted that these experiences result in a complete shift in the guiding forces of a person's life, with a new set of conceptions and motives dominating them.

What Dr. Jung was referring to is the idea that some individuals who struggle with addiction or other psychological issues may have a transformative experience that leads to significant and lasting changes in their behavior and outlook on life. This experience is often described as a spiritual awakening, and it may involve a profound sense of connection to something greater than oneself.

Dr. Jung's observation that these experiences have occurred since early times suggests that he believed they were not limited to any particular religious or cultural tradition, but rather were a universal human experience. The idea of a spiritual awakening or transformation is still a common theme in many approaches to addiction recovery today. This was the beginning  to the AA concept of needing a “higher power”.

This concept is a key element missing in secular and government operated treatments for addiction, and from personal experience as an addiction counselor I believe is the core to a successful lifelong recovery. Not saying you can’t achieve recovery without a “vital spiritual experience”, just that it is the missing element I was looking for in how my clients were becoming transformed.  When I worked in the U.S. Army at a psychiatric hospital as a specialist, the Psychiatrists would often ‘prescribe’ religion to patients that were about to be medically discharged and released into society. The concern was that these individuals have only been stabilized in their disorders and often no reliable follow up was assured once released.  If they could be “plugged” into a compassionate support system in civilian life, then they just might have a chance at “making it”. 

By no means were they advocating any religious beliefs or dictating what sanctuary, synagogue, or mosque patients should attend, but asked the rest of us, the staff, to discover and encourage the patients to explore their own beliefs if any were present.  Therefore, in this book I provide a spiritual belief system that is not intended to conflict with any of your currently held religious practices.  If my information doesn’t enhance understanding of a spiritual nature and instead causes a strong negative emotional response, then please stop reading the chapter on New Belief. But please note this negative response you are experiencing; it will be valuable as you perform different techniques in later chapters of this book.

You will find I have combined physical behavior controls and psychological techniques for addressing trauma, and incorporated a rational approach to spiritual awakening, that when applied will transform your life. Understand this book is about the “journey” and not the “destination”. I’m presenting a “way of life” and not an “achievement”.  An example of this can be seen with weight loss; you don’t just lose the weight, but you have to keep it off and stay healthy.  No surgery, or liposuction can achieve this process; it must be learned and lived. You can’t attend weight loss meetings and your issues go away; same with AA/NA/CR meetings or going to group therapy. It doesn’t fix you; you fix you.

There is a saying, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”; this is exactly what I’m talking about. You could attend groups, learn techniques, and even graduate from programs, but if you do not internalize and live these events then it will not work. I can lead you to the water… I could even drown you in it… but if you don’t drink, then the water is useless to save you.

Chapter 1 of this book is an important section for you to read, digest, and apply to your internal thought processes for establishing recovery using this approach. So, when ‘a challenging concept’ is presented, I offer the information in two levels of comprehension. This is due to the reader possibly experiencing the damaging effects to the brain from chemicals (drugs or alcohol) that were consumed. This can greatly impair the brain's ability to focus and comprehend the story; at least until healing occurs with prolonged abstinence. 

This concern of possible limits to understanding the information presented resulted in providing a split-level of learning.  It’s the same general story but in two unique styles: In-depth Learning [Critical Thinking Required] and Simplified Learning [Easier-to-Understand Option]. In hope of assuring the reader to gain insight from these literary illustrations, a “commentary” was also added to the back of each subsection. 

Let me try to impress upon you why the concept of a ‘Higher Power’ is so important.  You want a different life, but no matter what you do, it just isn't happening; you don't know how to make it happen. Until you reach the point where you will look in the mirror and do not like what you see looking back, will your soul truly cry out to a power stronger than yourself. It may be nothing more than "God help me!" It may not even be words you can utter, but a deep overpowering loss of hope in your future.  When you have reached this level of pain and are figuratively (and sometimes literally) driven to your knees pleading for some supernatural help to give you a reason for waking up in the morning, will change really happen.

Some call it “hitting rock-bottom”, others a “crisis experience”, and still some refer to it as the “gift of desperation”; yet all of these are terms used to describe a crisis moment or a turning point in an individual's life, particularly in the context of addiction and personal struggles. This moment of crisis can lead to what I refer to as an "Ego Implosion", essentially breaking down the self-centered and defensive aspects of a person's identity. This can pave the way for a transformative process that includes the development of "Intellectual Humility" (acceptance that your beliefs and opinions could be wrong) and the emergence of "Truthful Curiosity" (an honest desire to find the truth), both of which can be instrumental in a "Conversion Recovery" process.

Here's how this progression might unfold:

• Implosion of the Ego: Hitting rock bottom can shatter the illusions and defenses that individuals often use to protect their ego and deny their problems. It can bring a stark realization of the consequences of their actions and their own limitations. This breakdown of the ego can be a humbling experience that opens the door to change.

• Development of Intellectual Humility: With the ego shattered, individuals may become more willing to admit their mistakes, acknowledge their vulnerabilities, and recognize that they don't have all the answers. This newfound humility can create space for self-reflection and an honest assessment of their situation.

• Truthful Curiosity: As individuals let go of their previous assumptions and defenses, they might become genuinely curious about their condition, the reasons behind their struggles, and the possibilities for recovery. They might start asking questions, seeking knowledge, and exploring different avenues for change.

• Recovery and Growth: Intellectual humility and truthful curiosity can create a foundation for sustainable recovery. Individuals are more likely to engage in therapy, seek support, and learn about healthier coping mechanisms. They become open to new perspectives, embrace personal growth, and actively work toward a better life.

This is why I titled the book "a survival guide to the other side of darkness", it helps you through the conversion process and into a state of sustained positive growth.

If you are not at this level of desperation in your current situation, this book may still offer some usable insight and additional techniques to try in striving for recovery. Without reaching the ‘bottom crisis of desperation’, you will not be open to changing beliefs which you have based your entire life-existence upon; changing a belief is an incredibly hard task to do. It's equivalent to my asking you to rebuild the foundation of your house while you're living inside. You can't just "shore up" the whole house on stilts while removing the entire foundation all at once. The risk for a catastrophic collapse is too great with inconceivable consequences if this tragedy occurs. Just like with changing belief systems, you remove and replace one section of the foundation as you work your way through the rebuild. Like the old adage states, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

Here are the statistics as to why I am persuaded to offer a new belief system:  According to the World Health Organization, only 1 in 7 people who are struggling with addiction will receive any form of help, and of that one who receives treatment... only half, 40-60%, will achieve sobriety for any length of time. Let me put some actual numbers to this situation; there are a total of 333 million people (2022 census report) in the USA, 6% of those are struggling with addiction; that represents approximately 20 million Americans who have a substance use disorder. 1 in 7 of those will get some form of treatment intervention, or roughly 3 million, and then only about half of those will have a measurable level of success; less than 1.5 million.  To put this in an easy-to-understand format: Out of 20 people with addiction, 3 will receive help, and only 1, maybe 2, will recover!  18 of the 20 people with addiction will never recover.

The current philosophy of treatment is to encourage recovery, provide emotional support, and educate on issues that promote abstinence. This apparently works well for 2 out of 20 people, but we still have all the others that are close to giving up.  We need an additional different approach in an effort to reach those other 18 million still lost to the darkness.  I’ve asked everyone I ever encountered who has entered and maintained a long-term recovery, "What made the difference? Why, after all your previous attempts to quit, did this time work?" They all report having reached that “crisis experience” where they finally understood, “Get busy living or get busy dying.” (The Shawshank Redemption)